Screw the Doubt, Just Do It

The title is brash, but for good reason. There's no sugar coating this post. No holding your hand, walking you through it, no babying you until you hear what you want to hear. This is a full force shove into the deep end with no life jacket. The training wheels were never there. User manual? Never existed. That tiny voice in your head that instills doubt...screw it.

For many years I let that voice rule me. It held me down, ruined what would've been epic memories, and stole incredible moments. Even after I thought I had beaten it, every once in awhile, it would resurface. Attacking moments I considered insignificant, but in hindsight were crucial. No matter what condition you are in, everyone deals with this voice, some just louder than others. And the truth is that if you coddle that voice to make it feel like it compromised...you're wrong. It won.

An old example comes from my childhood. Every summer I took swimming lessons at our local pool. And I absolutely hated the deep water. I did it each year because it meant a week of going swimming. There were at least 8 levels to get through. They weren't restricted to year, but they were restricted to the one week. Some kids got through 3 levels in a week, some one, and some didn't even pass. I was the third kid. Each level took me multiple tries. My first attempt at level 1, that voice harassed me. Telling me they were going to force me to do scary things and if I started drowning, no one would be there to help me. So I cried my way through level 1. The next year I came back as did the voice, but I managed to keep it at bay to make it past level 1. The next year two years were the same results. Two years for level 2. Then came the dreaded level 3. This meant jumping in the deep end. For three straight years, that was the only thing keeping me from getting to level four. And that evil voice screamed louder each time. "You'll drown. Those instructors are lying. They won't catch you. You're weak."

My fourth attempt at passing level 3 was going to be my last. We were moving in August. The first four days went fine. But on the fifth day came the dreaded jump. There I stood on the edge of the deep. Dreading that moment. The voice came screaming in like it always did. But then another voice emerged. A human voice. One of the girls in my class admitted she was afraid of jumping in too. And after some consideration, she decided that it was her last chance for a whole year to do this and to heck with it, she was jumping. I watched as she leaped into the deep. In a matter of seconds, she surfaced and was treading water. My instructor encouraged me and she did too. "If I can do it, you can too." Then a new voice popped in my head. It sternly said "Screw the doubt, just do it!"

I jumped.

Mere seconds after I hit the water, I found myself above the surface and made it to the wall. Two emotions swept over me. Sheer joy that I had just conquered a dastardly fear and slight irritation that I let that stupid voice rob me of progress. Then the whistle blew and as I reunited with my parents, I had a certificate in my hand that proved I passed level 3. But because I let that evil voice rule me, instead of making it through 8 levels, I only completed 3.

Even though I beat that voice then, it never totally went away and it never fully will. It can sometimes linger in a smaller way.

A more recent example is from when I was in NYC for the first time in 2016. I didn't have a plan for when I was there other than I knew what I wanted to see and do. Nearly every day I winged it. Starting at one place and moving to everything I wanted to see within the time I had. After five days of this, my time was running out. I had one full day left and I still hadn't done one of the things I had mainly planned to do. Most of the stuff I did was before all my friends arrived for the wedding we were all attending. And the days following, we did stuff together. So by then, it was hard for me to do some other individual things.

When the city woke me up on my final day there, I realized I had a small window to go do what I had been dreaming of doing since I was a mere lad. Stand at the base of the Statue of Liberty. But that dreaded voice arose and spoke these words: "It'll take you an hour to get there and at least another 3 to do the whole process. You'll have to deal with mass crowds of people, long lines, and all in the hot sun. What if your friends wake up while you're there and have other plans in store? You've seen so many other things already. No need for more. You've seen it from a distance, isn't that enough?" Part of me actually began to believe it was right. But then I realized what was speaking. I unlocked my phone and saw Lady Liberty staring at me from my wallpaper. I recalled the feelings of incredible joy from stumbling upon the Balto statue in Central Park. I had been waiting my whole life to see the Statue of Liberty and I wasn't going to let that voice of death stop me now.

I waited in the lines. I boarded the boat. As we got closer, my excitement kept building. As we cruised across the ocean, she became larger and larger. Once the boat docked, I wasted no time getting off. I hastily moved to where she stood. And as I gazed upon her, I was in complete awe. I drowned out the crowds around me, as if they weren't there. I was standing at the feet of the very statue that promised hope to so many years ago. The moment was incredible and as for that voice, not even a whimper could be heard. I know that if I had given any ground to the doubt, I'd be regretting it
heavily still to this day.

Now to be clear, I'm not advocating for you to do anything stupid. If you're hearing that voice, don't ignore it because that's your conscience. Ignoring that would be bad. But the voice I mentioned here is more concerned with filling you with fear, doubt, and despair. It's sole purpose is to destroy you. Don't let it do that. Don't let fear and doubt hold you down. Sometimes you have to take that chance. That leap of faith. Because you truly will never know what it's like unless you just do it. Trust me, you'll be glad you did.

Birthdays

Do you remember way back in 2006, when Facebook was just two years old and had just opened up to high schoolers? Do you recall when all it was meant for was sharing photos, checking in on each other's lives, and keeping in touch? This was before all the apps came in. Before any joe schmoe could create an account. Before corporations, advertising, fake news, political propaganda took over. Before my generation, the ones that helped make Facebook the billion dollar empire it is today, started pushing the deactivate button and leaving for greener pastures. Why the reminiscing? Because there was a time that happened once a year, that made me stay glued to this social media platform all day.

You see, back when facebook was worth using and keeping track of on a daily basis, people wrote on each other's walls. They posted messages and interacted in lengthy comments. People could scroll down your wall and see all this interaction. Because it was about the human connection. Your friends could see this. They could chime in. And pretty soon, you'd find your self in an epic conversation. And most of it was never negative. You had no need to block anyone. Or to delete comments your regretted posting. It was a happier time for sure. But what made this phenomenon most enjoyable, was when one's birthday rolled around. Starting at midnight, every one of your friends who logged into facebook would see very obviously (as long as you had your birthday listed in your profile) that it was indeed your birthday. At this time, there was no sidebar, no window to right a simple message, no "birthday card". You literally had to take the time to go to their page and write on their wall.  Usually when one did this, they left more than a simple "Happy Birthday".  And it was usually a decent number of your active friends who did so.

But those are bygone days. Yes people still send out birthday greetings, but it's not the same as it was 13 years ago. But that doesn't mean I love seeing those notifications any less. The one thing I have noticed in recent years is the group of people who takes the time to write that wonderful message is an interesting group. As I scrolled through the messages, there were a number from people I've known for awhile, but hardly ever interact with on facebook and some I haven't seen in years that took the time to send warm greetings my way. And I love it. It shows me that people I still think about, who at one point had an impact in my life, are still aware of my presence and they still care. 

My birthday was this month. It is the last year of my 20s. It still blows my mind saying that. So this is all fresh and relevant. And because this simple act of kindness is near and dear to me, I, in return, extend the favor. Facebook says I have 563 friends (as of this writing). That's more than 365. And while not every one in that 563 was born in such a way that all 365 days are covered, there are still hundreds of days that come with birthdays. It doesn't matter if I haven't talked to you in years. It doesn't matter if I only knew you for a few days or my whole life. What matters is that you were born and you entered my life. Therefore, every day (if I don't forget), I check facebook at least once to see who has a birthday. And then I will take the time to wish you a happy birthday because I know how much it makes my day, so why not make yours?

Truth is, the older you get, the way you view birthdays changes. But I still appreciate it every time it rolls around. It reminds me that I'm alive. It brings out the good in people, and it shows how many do care.

So when this time rolls around again next year, you can bet I'll be looking forward to those little notifications pinging my phone. And if you are reading this and it is your birthday, well then, I wish you all the best and a very happy birthday!