Please listen to this song before, or while reading this post. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zujGUiEb3Nw
I want to say I have no words for what I'm about to say, but that is a myth as all I have right now are words. But putting the right words in a meaningful way is the hard part. If you've been keeping up with my blog since 2011, you probably noticed a number of posts written in the memory of people I've lost in my life. And I wish I didn't have to write anymore. The fact of the matter is that people are born, they live, and they die. No one is immortal. No one. Death is a part of life. When death comes, it spares no grief. But when it comes swiftly without warning and while in the prime of youth, that's when it hurts the most. It hurts so much because someone you thought you had years left with or someone you hadn't seen in years but loved all the same, or someone who you barely knew but they had a small impact on your life, is no more. And it's in times like these that can destroy you. Even if you are strong in your faith in Christ, it's moments like this that can cause you to turn your heart from the Lord...for good.
I learned tonight of the tragic passing of Tammy Rhea James at the age of 32. Truth be told I didn't know her that well. But thirteen years ago, she entered my life and left me with a few memories I'll never forget. The year was 2004. I was 13 and had been in Cleveland for almost a year. I was not in the best state of being as I was still refusing to get used to the fact that Cleveland was my home. During the summer of 2004, the church I meet with was putting on this massive, week long youth conference that was going to host 1000 young people. An event like this took a lot of work. I lived right next to the meeting hall and so I was over there every day because I enjoyed being around all the preparation that was going on. On one of those days I met Tammy. Here I was, this obnoxious, slightly annoying, thirteen year-old kid and she was this sweet, kind nineteen year-old woman. After a quick introduction, I ran off to cause trouble elsewhere, but I didn't forget her name or her smile. Then during the actual conference, I ran into her again and she quizzed me on her name. I laughed and said "Of course I remember you! You're Tammy from Toronto!" She flashed that bright smile of hers and then rejoined her group. But the thing she did that made me never forget her after all these years was during one of the big meetings, she went up on stage and sang Lord Keep My Heart. Her voice was so powerful and the words of the song moved me. Her performance was not about her, but bringing those in the audience who had no belief in Christ to find that faith that she had in Christ.
After that conference, I rarely ever saw her again, but throughout the years whenever this song has entered my heart, I could hear her voice and my mind would replay that memory over and over and over. I've thought about her on and off throughout the years wondering where she was, how she was doing, and where the winds of adventure had carried her. Tonight I'm heartbroken. I wish I could've known her better. But I'm thankful that she gave me that memory. That her faith in the Lord created a small impact on my own life and is one of the many reasons I am where I am today.
I wish everyone I know would read this. Because I want them to know that I care. That sometimes it may seem like I'm trying to be too much a part of your life. That sometimes I do unexpected things or make an extra effort to be with you. That sometimes I may drive 1200 miles in two days to see you for one. This is because you matter to me. That's where my heart is. If I haven't talked to you in years, I haven't forgotten about you. Make the moments you have with those close to you or those like Tammy who made an impact upon you count. As for me I pray that through yet another time such as this and for all the other trials life will bring me, that He will keep my heart, faithful and true.
This is goodbye for now, but only until I see you again.
An excerpt from her blog posted July 2004 after the conference I mentioned above:
"Today marked the end of Mountain Top…but to me, it also marked the
beginning of a newer, fresher, more enjoyable summer with Christ and
the rest of the saints.
I totally enjoyed my time there. the baseball game was fun, the
activities ran smoothly, the singing was exceptional and the people RoCkEd.
I’m really thankful to the Lord that out of all of the billions of
people that have ever passed through this planet, I was
chosen…just chosen…
I can’t wait for the next conference!!!!
I’m really interested in knowing what did you guys enjoy the most from Mountain Top???"
