I began a post about the pandemic going on, but every time I sit down to write it, my thoughts go a million different directions and the words are not coming out the way I want them to. So I've put that on hold for now. One of the things I've been really wanting to do during all this time I have trapped indoors is to write a whole lot more. So far I'm failing. I have ideas about what I want to write about, but the normal flow I have is all dammed up. It's partially because I'm trying to force ideas and make them come out the way I want them. Truth is, that doesn't work for me. Most of the works I'm proud of were created like this: 1) I got inspiration off one little thing. 2) I sat down and began to write, letting my mind flow. 3) I didn't stop to correct anything. I just kept writing until I felt the piece was complete. 4) Once the piece was complete, I did a once over to see if anything needed corrected or changed. I ended up writing these pieces in 10 minutes or less. One flow of thought. No stopping. Some have gotten minor edits over time, but they still amaze me to this day how I ever wrote them.
I've had the urges to write. Not necessarily blog posts, but poems, prose, and even short stories. I have the time to do all of that. But the writer's block is too real. And on a side note, not all of my ideas turn into these 1 flow of thought instant pieces. I have a good number of pieces that I started that have never been finished. Whenever I go back to them, the thought I had for them is gone. I try to finish them, but it seems forced. So I don't.
Some of you who've been reading my stuff for years may wonder how then I managed to write a story that I posted weekly on facebook back in 2009-2012 that ended up being 153 word document pages long. It's because I got the inspiration off something small, saw the beginning, middle, and end in my mind, and all I had to do was fill in the bits. But the biggest factor was that I posted a teaser on facebook and the response was great for me to continue. I was reaching my tag limit of readers each week and some would give me a hard time if I forgot to tag them. Yes there were points where I had to think how I was going to connect the dots, but it was the interest that drove me to continue. At the time and with my amateur writing, it was good. But all the times I go back to try and edit it, I've come to the conclusion that it's better left as it is because to make it to the standard I'd want it today, I'd have to re-write most of it. Maybe I'll write an actual, more sound book one day.
In the meantime, I'm going to try to write more and put stuff out there. Most individual pieces will end up on facebook as that's a bit bigger of a platform than I have here. So keep an eye out. There may also be more blog posts coming than normal. I also have a third idea I may try, but we'll see. Stay safe and healthy y'all.
Saturday, March 28, 2020
Monday, March 2, 2020
The Choices You Make
Choices...
...life is full of them. They never end. You can't avoid them. You must make them. Some are huge. Like choosing a college, a first car, a house, getting married, etc. Some are small. Like what you want to eat for lunch. Or what outfit you want to wear this day. The truth of the matter is, that no matter what choices you make, they all are important. And sometimes it's even the smallest ones that are the game changers. Let me explain...
I'm pretty good at making good choices. But I'm also human. Pulling this statistic out of thin air, for every ten good choices I make, I make one dumb one. And sometimes the dumb one is choosing not to do something instead of doing it. And I had a very real experience recently of nearly making that very dumb decision.
Last Saturday night, I was invited by my brother to go snowboarding/skiing at Brandywine in Ohio. It was a late night thing with big discounts and such. As a kid, my love for snowboarding was there before I even owned one. During long days of sledding, I would at times stand in the sled and see how far I could make it down the hill without wiping out. Sometimes I was successful, most times I was not. Then on my 13th birthday, my parents got me a Walmart snowboard. As a kid, it didn't matter that it wasn't the real thing. Because now I could spend hours doing snowboard things on sledding hills. And boy did I ever.
Eventually, I needed to give the real thing a try. Opportunity arose in 2009. The Church in Pittsburgh held a young people's conference with a snowboard/ski trip to Seven Springs, PA. I was definitely going. Upon arrival, I wandered into the lodge, purchased my lift ticket, rented a snowboard, and off I went.
To say I was a total noob was an understatement. I barely made it off lifts clean, had some near misses with other people, tried not to hit trees, and wiped out many times. I made it to the end of the day relatively unscathed, but my biggest accomplishment was making it down a black diamond twice without falling. And I did all of this without wearing a helmet.
Being 17, I didn't think too much of it and thankfully, I didn't need one. Fast forward back to last Saturday night. I do not own a snowboard helmet. I have not been real snowboarding in 11 years. But I was tasked with bringing one along to give to Tim. When I arrived, I called him and asked him if he wanted to use it. He said no and asked the others with us. They also said no. He told me I could use it if I wanted. I pondered that thought for awhile.
Most of my life, I've liked to live on the edge. As a 7 year old, I free climbed to the tops of tall trees. I rode my bike through uncleared woods, ramped it high over hills, made hairline turns, and all with no helmet...most of the time. I took a jetski full throttle into 4 foot waves and sent it high into the air. I've played with fire in ways one shouldn't, performed very dangerous trampoline stunts that if they went wrong, I could've ended up in the hospital. I've ridden my bike into oncoming traffic through the dead center of intersections, through hordes of pedestrians...I think you get the point. So for me, it should've been a no-brainer to choose not to wear that helmet.
Throughout my 29 years, I've come to learn that I'm not invincible. And for some reason, I had a strong feeling that I should wear it. The problem was that if I did, it would be tight on my chin and I couldn't wear my full ski mask as it wouldn't fit. It was either wear the helmet and deal with a frozen face or don't wear the helmet and take on the consequences. Against my being, I wore the helmet.
I started off on the bunny hill to get my bearings back in order. First time down, I wiped out, but not hard. No big deal. I went back to the top, chose a spot clear of people and once I felt good I descended. Now Brandywine has what I consider a stupid design near the bunny hill. They allow for folks coming off the nearby bigger hill to intersect the bunny hill at a steep drop that without skill would send you into the the paths of all those coming down the bunny hill. Well in the middle of my descent, I was moving at full speed, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw a kid cruising across the middle of the hill. She was not paying attention to where she was going nor looking to see if she was crossing anyone's path. I shouted at her hoping she would turn out of the way because any maneuver I made would cause me to hit her dead on. She turned her head to see me and her instinct told her to drop...right in front of me. There was nothing I could do. I was a dead duck. I turned the board to try and slow it for a softer impact, but due to my speed and lack of skill, it reversed on me. I collided full impact and was sent flying backwards over her. I landed on my backside, but then my head immediately snapped back and smashed the ground.
I looked up and thankfully all I saw was the stars in the sky. I lifted my head and looked over at the poor soul I just hit. "You good?" I asked. "Yeah and you?" she replied. "I'm good." And that was the truth. My head didn't hurt, I wasn't foggy, I felt fine. Yet as I sat there in the snow, my butt sore, my legs frozen, I couldn't help but think that if I hadn't made the choice to wear that helmet, that I may have ended my night in the ER. Possibly would've been diagnosed with my first ever concussion. That small choice that I made, thinking it was insignificant, turned out to be huge.
So next time you find yourself confronted with a seemingly small choice, don't take it lightly. It could greatly impact your life. Oh and by the way. Every choice your ever made in life has led you down the path you are currently on, to the place you are right now, which is reading this very sentence.
...life is full of them. They never end. You can't avoid them. You must make them. Some are huge. Like choosing a college, a first car, a house, getting married, etc. Some are small. Like what you want to eat for lunch. Or what outfit you want to wear this day. The truth of the matter is, that no matter what choices you make, they all are important. And sometimes it's even the smallest ones that are the game changers. Let me explain...
I'm pretty good at making good choices. But I'm also human. Pulling this statistic out of thin air, for every ten good choices I make, I make one dumb one. And sometimes the dumb one is choosing not to do something instead of doing it. And I had a very real experience recently of nearly making that very dumb decision.
Last Saturday night, I was invited by my brother to go snowboarding/skiing at Brandywine in Ohio. It was a late night thing with big discounts and such. As a kid, my love for snowboarding was there before I even owned one. During long days of sledding, I would at times stand in the sled and see how far I could make it down the hill without wiping out. Sometimes I was successful, most times I was not. Then on my 13th birthday, my parents got me a Walmart snowboard. As a kid, it didn't matter that it wasn't the real thing. Because now I could spend hours doing snowboard things on sledding hills. And boy did I ever.
Eventually, I needed to give the real thing a try. Opportunity arose in 2009. The Church in Pittsburgh held a young people's conference with a snowboard/ski trip to Seven Springs, PA. I was definitely going. Upon arrival, I wandered into the lodge, purchased my lift ticket, rented a snowboard, and off I went.
To say I was a total noob was an understatement. I barely made it off lifts clean, had some near misses with other people, tried not to hit trees, and wiped out many times. I made it to the end of the day relatively unscathed, but my biggest accomplishment was making it down a black diamond twice without falling. And I did all of this without wearing a helmet.
Being 17, I didn't think too much of it and thankfully, I didn't need one. Fast forward back to last Saturday night. I do not own a snowboard helmet. I have not been real snowboarding in 11 years. But I was tasked with bringing one along to give to Tim. When I arrived, I called him and asked him if he wanted to use it. He said no and asked the others with us. They also said no. He told me I could use it if I wanted. I pondered that thought for awhile.
Most of my life, I've liked to live on the edge. As a 7 year old, I free climbed to the tops of tall trees. I rode my bike through uncleared woods, ramped it high over hills, made hairline turns, and all with no helmet...most of the time. I took a jetski full throttle into 4 foot waves and sent it high into the air. I've played with fire in ways one shouldn't, performed very dangerous trampoline stunts that if they went wrong, I could've ended up in the hospital. I've ridden my bike into oncoming traffic through the dead center of intersections, through hordes of pedestrians...I think you get the point. So for me, it should've been a no-brainer to choose not to wear that helmet.
Throughout my 29 years, I've come to learn that I'm not invincible. And for some reason, I had a strong feeling that I should wear it. The problem was that if I did, it would be tight on my chin and I couldn't wear my full ski mask as it wouldn't fit. It was either wear the helmet and deal with a frozen face or don't wear the helmet and take on the consequences. Against my being, I wore the helmet.
I started off on the bunny hill to get my bearings back in order. First time down, I wiped out, but not hard. No big deal. I went back to the top, chose a spot clear of people and once I felt good I descended. Now Brandywine has what I consider a stupid design near the bunny hill. They allow for folks coming off the nearby bigger hill to intersect the bunny hill at a steep drop that without skill would send you into the the paths of all those coming down the bunny hill. Well in the middle of my descent, I was moving at full speed, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw a kid cruising across the middle of the hill. She was not paying attention to where she was going nor looking to see if she was crossing anyone's path. I shouted at her hoping she would turn out of the way because any maneuver I made would cause me to hit her dead on. She turned her head to see me and her instinct told her to drop...right in front of me. There was nothing I could do. I was a dead duck. I turned the board to try and slow it for a softer impact, but due to my speed and lack of skill, it reversed on me. I collided full impact and was sent flying backwards over her. I landed on my backside, but then my head immediately snapped back and smashed the ground.
I looked up and thankfully all I saw was the stars in the sky. I lifted my head and looked over at the poor soul I just hit. "You good?" I asked. "Yeah and you?" she replied. "I'm good." And that was the truth. My head didn't hurt, I wasn't foggy, I felt fine. Yet as I sat there in the snow, my butt sore, my legs frozen, I couldn't help but think that if I hadn't made the choice to wear that helmet, that I may have ended my night in the ER. Possibly would've been diagnosed with my first ever concussion. That small choice that I made, thinking it was insignificant, turned out to be huge.
So next time you find yourself confronted with a seemingly small choice, don't take it lightly. It could greatly impact your life. Oh and by the way. Every choice your ever made in life has led you down the path you are currently on, to the place you are right now, which is reading this very sentence.
Sunday, February 16, 2020
Time For A Change.
Maybe you noticed. Maybe you didn't. And that's okay. I changed the title of my blog. I've thought about this for awhile now. Believe it or not, this blog has been around for 8.5 years. Like many things I start, I had no idea it would last this long. I've followed many blogs throughout the years only to watch them rarely get used or fade into oblivion after a year or two. So this is an accomplishment.
My reasoning for this change comes from a number of places.
1) It's time. It's not like this is a popular blog that's monetized and has hundreds to thousands of readers monthly so changing the name won't have cataclysmic effects.
2) The name was no longer relevant. When I started this blog, it was supposed to be purely a gospel blog of my year studying the Bible. And it was. But after the year ended, I began writing whatever was on my mind here and many times my posts did not pertain to the title.
3) Change can be a good thing. I'm not a big fan of change. But sometimes it's necessary. I'm also a sentimentalist. Meaning changing things (even for the better) is not my forte. But this is one of those necessary times.
In light of this, the blog will still stay generally the same as it has been for these past few years. While it will continue to be a place to publicly share my thoughts, it'll still contain the Christian element too as that's a major factor in my life. And if you've read this on and off all these years, thank you for sticking around. And if you've only been here for a short while, I thank you too. And now it's time to do something else out of the norm and end this post here. Short and sweet. Until next time.
My reasoning for this change comes from a number of places.
1) It's time. It's not like this is a popular blog that's monetized and has hundreds to thousands of readers monthly so changing the name won't have cataclysmic effects.
2) The name was no longer relevant. When I started this blog, it was supposed to be purely a gospel blog of my year studying the Bible. And it was. But after the year ended, I began writing whatever was on my mind here and many times my posts did not pertain to the title.
3) Change can be a good thing. I'm not a big fan of change. But sometimes it's necessary. I'm also a sentimentalist. Meaning changing things (even for the better) is not my forte. But this is one of those necessary times.
In light of this, the blog will still stay generally the same as it has been for these past few years. While it will continue to be a place to publicly share my thoughts, it'll still contain the Christian element too as that's a major factor in my life. And if you've read this on and off all these years, thank you for sticking around. And if you've only been here for a short while, I thank you too. And now it's time to do something else out of the norm and end this post here. Short and sweet. Until next time.
Sunday, January 26, 2020
Kobe
From a young age, I knew I was going to love sports. Anytime my dad took me to the park, all I wanted to do was go to the ball diamond and slug a few. Once I got older, my parents bought a basketball hoop and put it in our yard. We didn't have a paved driveway, so we turned the grass into dirt by the hoop. I spent hours in the summer trying to perfect my shot. You could still hear the thud of my bank shot even after the sun set.
As the 90s gave way to the 2000s, I began to follow sports. And as most young kids who play sports do, they pick an athlete whom they look up to. Since basketball was the sport I loved to play the most, naturally I gravitated that way. Surely I would pick Michael Jordan right? Nope. Jordan was in the NBA six years before I came into existence. Kobe came into the league as I was approaching 6 years old. His face was everywhere. When I went to McDonald's, cardboard cutouts of him holding a big mac could be seen. He appeared in Sprite commercials and Nike ads. Him and Shaq were doing great things in L.A. I watched him play and was enthralled by the magic he could make simply by holding a basketball. I jumped aboard the Lakers bandwagon. I didn't know their storied history. I had not yet learned about the Laker greats Jerry West, Wilt Chamberlain, Kareem Abdul-Jabar, and Magic Johnson. All I knew was that I loved watching Kobe play.
My love for sports and the game of basketball grew as Kobe, Shaq, and the Lakers completed a 3-peat championship right into the 2000s. I watched the beginning of most games, but being 8-10 years old, my parents sent me to bed before they ended. But I checked the news the next day to watch the sports report and see the final score. I'll never forget when I saw the replay of Robert Horry hitting the buzzer beater over the kings and seeing an elated Kobe Bryant charging him in celebration. I was in basketball bliss.
When Shaq and Kobe got into a feud and Shaq was traded to Miami, I was not a happy camper. The Lakers didn't do so hot the next handful of years, but Kobe was still Kobe, making basketball magic. Yet critics still came at him. "You can't win a championship without Shaq" they said. That lit a fire in him and come 2009 & 2010, the Lakers won back to back championships led by non other than Kobe Bryant.
Those were the last championships he won. He played in the NBA 6 more years, but in his final game in 2016, Kobe proved he still had the magic. The Lakers were playing the Jazz and at the same time the Warriors were trying to go for the best record in NBA history. But unless you were a Warriors fan, you were watching Kobe's last game. Late in the fourth quarter, the Lakers were down. In respect for Kobe, his teammates fed him the ball all night long. Kobe went full Black Mamba (his nickname) and put up an incredible 60 points, taking the lead and winning the game. It's one I'll tell my kids about one day. It was an incredible ending to a storied career.
Today, the news broke that Kobe Bryant was tragically killed in a helicopter crash. Normally, celebrity deaths don't hit me emotionally as I had no personal connection to them. But this one was different. Kobe was the athlete who made me want to play basketball and at least try to be good at it. When he took the court, you knew you were going to see something special. Kobe was what me and my friends shouted when we were trying to sink a sweet shot. His smile was infectious, his down to earth personality was something to be admired, and his love for the Philadelphia Eagles really hit home with me. He was my childhood hero.
Thank you for inspiring my childhood basketball dreams. Thank you for inspiring many people around the world. Thank you for giving us many great years of basketball memories. And thank you for being you, You will be missed.
As the 90s gave way to the 2000s, I began to follow sports. And as most young kids who play sports do, they pick an athlete whom they look up to. Since basketball was the sport I loved to play the most, naturally I gravitated that way. Surely I would pick Michael Jordan right? Nope. Jordan was in the NBA six years before I came into existence. Kobe came into the league as I was approaching 6 years old. His face was everywhere. When I went to McDonald's, cardboard cutouts of him holding a big mac could be seen. He appeared in Sprite commercials and Nike ads. Him and Shaq were doing great things in L.A. I watched him play and was enthralled by the magic he could make simply by holding a basketball. I jumped aboard the Lakers bandwagon. I didn't know their storied history. I had not yet learned about the Laker greats Jerry West, Wilt Chamberlain, Kareem Abdul-Jabar, and Magic Johnson. All I knew was that I loved watching Kobe play.
My love for sports and the game of basketball grew as Kobe, Shaq, and the Lakers completed a 3-peat championship right into the 2000s. I watched the beginning of most games, but being 8-10 years old, my parents sent me to bed before they ended. But I checked the news the next day to watch the sports report and see the final score. I'll never forget when I saw the replay of Robert Horry hitting the buzzer beater over the kings and seeing an elated Kobe Bryant charging him in celebration. I was in basketball bliss.
When Shaq and Kobe got into a feud and Shaq was traded to Miami, I was not a happy camper. The Lakers didn't do so hot the next handful of years, but Kobe was still Kobe, making basketball magic. Yet critics still came at him. "You can't win a championship without Shaq" they said. That lit a fire in him and come 2009 & 2010, the Lakers won back to back championships led by non other than Kobe Bryant.
Those were the last championships he won. He played in the NBA 6 more years, but in his final game in 2016, Kobe proved he still had the magic. The Lakers were playing the Jazz and at the same time the Warriors were trying to go for the best record in NBA history. But unless you were a Warriors fan, you were watching Kobe's last game. Late in the fourth quarter, the Lakers were down. In respect for Kobe, his teammates fed him the ball all night long. Kobe went full Black Mamba (his nickname) and put up an incredible 60 points, taking the lead and winning the game. It's one I'll tell my kids about one day. It was an incredible ending to a storied career.
Today, the news broke that Kobe Bryant was tragically killed in a helicopter crash. Normally, celebrity deaths don't hit me emotionally as I had no personal connection to them. But this one was different. Kobe was the athlete who made me want to play basketball and at least try to be good at it. When he took the court, you knew you were going to see something special. Kobe was what me and my friends shouted when we were trying to sink a sweet shot. His smile was infectious, his down to earth personality was something to be admired, and his love for the Philadelphia Eagles really hit home with me. He was my childhood hero.
Thank you for inspiring my childhood basketball dreams. Thank you for inspiring many people around the world. Thank you for giving us many great years of basketball memories. And thank you for being you, You will be missed.
Monday, January 6, 2020
A Decade Ends, Another Begins: Hello 2020
Ten years. Let me type that again. TEN YEARS! That's a decade. And that's a gosh darn long time. And with the 2020s now in full swing, it makes me both nostalgic and a tad sad that the 20teens have ended. To try and recap ten years would take the equivalent of writing a novel. And I'm not going to do that. Instead, I am going to list each year and pull out some highlights that had a lot of impact on me one way or another. So pull up your favorite easy chair and come on this journey with me as I recap the 20teens.
2010: Big life change occurred here as the beginning of the decade was part of my first year of college. The Ohio State University was my first choice and I was accepted there. But by God's grace, I ended up at Cleveland State University and dove headfirst into the world of engineering. Little did I know that my five year plan was going to be anything but. But for now, I was a college student.
January of this year I acquired my first cell phone. It was an LG ENV 3 that flipped open to a full keyboard. I had started out with 25MB of data a month that eventually expanded to 300MB (big jump I know). My how things change in 10 years!
2011: The previous year brought me my first phone, April of 2011 brought me my driver's license. No longer would I need my parents or other people to drive me around. It took me two attempts to get it (stupid parallel parking test), but yeah buddy, I was licensed to drive.
Mid-summer I made another big life decision. I decided to take a one year hiatus off school to study the bible with 30 other people in a year long Christian training. Halfway through my engineering degree and I decided to put it on hold. Who does that? This guy apparently. It was one of the best life decisions I've ever made. One of the highlights of the first half was a gospel trip to West Virginia. We went down to a small town in the mountains, preached the gospel, and really saw Christ move there. Oh and a hike through the West Virginia mountains in the fall was a real treat too.
In November I upgraded to my first smart phone. The Droid Incredible 2. Never had to buy a case for it. That thing took a beating and never cracked the screen once. If you told me something like this would exist while I was a kid in the 90s, I wouldn't have believed you.
2012: According to doomsayers misreading the Mayan calendar, the world was supposed to end this year. Spoiler alert! It didn't. Another quick punch. I got summoned for grand jury duty. There's never a good time for jury duty, but this was a really bad time as I was halfway through my Christian training. By the Lord's mercy, I was excused and it didn't interrupt the year.
During a short break, I took my first trip to North Carolina (see the blog post in I wrote in 2012) to the welcoming home of the Hayslettes. A group of us experienced southern hospitality, amazing people, and the sights and sounds of Raleigh.
My training ended, and I returned to my third year of college. Little did I know that I was not even halfway done. The Ancient Mysteries class was one of my favorite college classes of all time. I had a professor who specialized in Mayan archaeology and armed us with enough knowledge to combat 2012 doomsayers.
My newbie driver status did me in as I got into my first (and hopefully only) accident. I made a lane shift from a dead stop on a two lane road (illegal in Ohio) in the rain and put a nice big dent into a brand new 2012 ford focus. I was driving an early 90s Chevy Suburban that took only a slight paint chip. And now I know why lane shifting from a dead stop is illegal.
Four pairs of dear friends got married this year: Ben & Natalie, Ben and Halli, Nathanael & Elisabeth, and James & Allison.
2013: We were all still alive and the world didn't end.
My love for baseball and the Cleveland Indians began here (although I became a fan in 2007). Terry Francona took over the team and led a rag tag bunch of young bloods into the first every two team wild card format of the playoffs. The Tribe didn't make it past the wild card game, but they gave me hope for years to come.
My first real job (a three month paid internship) took place during the fall school semester. I worked in an R&D lab as an engineer in training for an industrial oven company known then as Manitowoc. I had the privilege of testing industrial ovens, assembling a five second bagel toaster, used welding equipment and plasma torches, and got my first taste of what my desired profession was going to be like.
My newest toy was a Droid Razr M. Sleek and thin, still didn't buy a case, still took a beating, and still no cracked screen.
I debated on including this particular entry and another one for 2014 because I didn't want to fill the recap with sadness. But the two events in back to back years impacted my life and the decade in big ways. So I am including them. This summer I lost a dear friend to an accident at the age of 23. David Kim was truly something special. Until we meet again.
2014: This was the year I was initially supposed to graduate college, but having taken the 2011-2012 year off, I delayed that another year.
This was the first summer I'd ever worked a real job (another paid internship). I had barely ever worked in the summer because I loved my freedom too much. I worked 9 weeks, but not the full summer (haha). I worked a lot with AutoCAD drawings and got to visit and oil depot.
Yet the summer wasn't all sunshine and roses. One of my first childhood friends who meant more to me than she probably ever knew, also tragically passed at the age of 23. Her name was Elise Rainville. You are deeply missed friend. Even though I really didn't show it, losing one friend the year before and then another too soon this year really took it's toll.
Another first was in October, I bought my first car. A 2004 Dodge Intrepid. She was silver, had a moon roof, amazing sounding speakers, and she was all mine. Paid for her in cash. And then 2 months later...
...I drove her 600 miles on my first solo trip which took me to Boston, MA. I went to visit an old friend I hadn't seen in 11 years. The car was a trooper and the driving (10 hours one way) wasn't so much fun, but Boston was a real treat. The trip was much needed medicine to aid my sufferings of two losses in two years.
Twas once again a big wedding year as these couple tied the knot. Peter & Yitao, Mark & Esther, Dan & Ana, and Paul & Sarah.
2015: For those that know me really well, you know I have a hobby called geocaching. This was the first year I tried it out. I found my first cache on March 21st and I was hooked. Now here I am 3000+ finds later and still going strong.
May saw a bucket list item completed as me and my buddy Ryan went to the Indianapolis 500. It was the 99th running and boy was it a blast. We toured the historic Indianapolis Motor Speedway, saw Florida Georgia Line in concert on the infield, and witnessed Juan Pablo Montoya win it all in stellar fashion.
And yes, thanks to numerous circumstances, I still found myself in college.
My favorite artist of all time is Kenny Chesney. This was the first year I attended one of his concerts. Worth every penny I spent on it. True entertainer, true legend, His music relates to me on so many levels.
The communications device was upgraded to a Droid Razr Maxx. My luck ran out as I finally cracked my first screen by dropping it face-down on tiny gravel...sigh.
Only one wedding this year, but one's better than none right?! Outdoors in the summer, it was Josh and Audra who said "I do".
2016: Hands down one of my favorite years of the decade. So many things happened here that were momentous too me. Let's do this.
In May, I finally took the walk of my life and graduated college with a Bachelor's degree in Mechanical Engineering. I also was ever grateful I was able to pay off all my college loans the day after graduation. Two of the most liberating feelings in the world.
In June, two exciting events occurred when I visited NYC for the first time and the Cleveland Cavaliers did something no Cleveland professional sports team had done since 1964; they won a championship. With NYC, it was my dream US destination. Thanks to a wedding here, I had an excuse to go and made a week long adventure out of it. One of the best trips of my life for sure. I watched for years as a fresh-out-of-high school Lebron James was revolutionizing the NBA. Living in Cleveland during this time was incredibly surreal as the city was hyped. Lebron and the Cavs did the impossible and came back from a 3-1 deficit to beat the best record team ever in the Golden State Warriors. 1.3 million people flooded the streets of downtown Cleveland for the victory parade. It was incredible.
A record five attended weddings and at least four more couples tying the knot led for a very eventful summer. Here's the skinny. The first weekend in April, I found myself in a hotel in Chicago to celebrate Timothy & Sarah's big day. By the end of the month (a week before finals) I took my first airplane ride since the age of two, ending up in Austin, TX where we celebrated Sam soon saying I do. By memorial day, I returned to Raleigh, NC to witness Cody and Angie getting hitched. Then the big escapade in NYC where Sam and Mindy tied the knot. And in a back-to-back, full weekend double shot, I had the honor of being the best man for Jeremiah & Michaele, and then suiting up again the next day to celebrate with Ian & Shulamite.
I'm a diehard Indians baseball fan. And 2016 was nearly magical. I went to a record 8 baseball games this year including a game in Yankee Stadium and one in PNC Park. I loved watching Mike Napoli crush homers and even bought a shirt that says "Party at Napoli's". I was there in the packed Jacob's Field (Progressive Field) in game one of the ALDS where the Indians had a three home run (nearly four) inning and it felt like an earthquake hit the 216. I stood outside the Jake in the midst of the crowd hoping to be there when the Indians won the World Series. But it went to 7 games and on my 26th birthday, I lost my mind when Rajai Davis hit the game tying homer of Chapman to send the game into extras. Then sat their in stunned silence as the Cubs broke their 108 year old curse. Any other year I would've been happy for the Cubs, but not this year. Even though the Tribe couldn't pull it off, that season was still magical.
2017: After a year of searching, I got my first big boy job as a Lighting Designer for General Electric (which I still have to this day) and it couldn't have come at a better time.
My travels took another huge swing as I left North America for the first time in my life and ended up in Sydney, Australia for two weeks. And what an amazing two weeks it was! New friends, new sites, people heard the gospel, a view from the Opera House and Harbor Bridge, an amazing race style scavenger hunt, bbqs and frisbee on the beach, and so much more. Yet another trip of a lifetime.
Needing a new device, I jumped off the motorola ship and landed aboard the Samsung cruiser. Armed and dangerous, the Galaxy J7 V proved to be the right choice and it's still my current device.
I sadly had to say goodbye to my first car. The transmission went on the Intrepid at 214,000 miles and with a slew of other problems, it was time for her to go. She served me well. I welcomed a 2008 blue Chevy Malibu into my life. We've had some rough spots, but she still gets the job done.
I said goodbye to my grandmother on my mom's side as it was her time to go. I'll never forget those times we visited and she laughed with delight as we discovered the shelves and pantry loaded with goodies all for us. Miss you Grandma.
With love still in the air, I had the pleasure of three more joyous occasions. Philip & Phoebe (Michigan), Aaron & Marley (Wisconsin), and Scott & Nina (Cleveland).
2018: 2018 was the year of travel, but before all that could happen, Nick Foles had to pull off the Philly Special and the Eagles had to top the dastardly Patriots to win their first ever super bowl title. To say I was overjoyed would be an understatement.
Blogging wasn't enough and in April of this year, I started a vlog. Nearly two years later, it's 83 episodes strong.
My travels took me to many places. In May I visited Cincinnati and attended the largest gathering of geocachers ever in the US known as Geowoodstock. I also used this trip to dip down into Newport, KY for my first ever visit to that state. In August, I found myself back in Wisconsin for a week of family fun. Then shortly after I wound up in Chicago to hang with Jesse and see a Cubs game at the legendary Wrigley Field. By September, I began what has become an annual West Coast adventure as I took Seattle by storm. I hung out with Nick, Lau, Adam, and Lisa, went atop the Space Needle, and checked SafeCo Field off the baseball bucket list.
But the ultimate trip of the year was when 12 of us bros spent 4 days down in New Orleans right before Christmas. It was Bourbon Street, the French Quarter, Beignets, the aquarium, food, the market, Adolpho's, food, swamp tour, haunted tour, fantasy football championship, Clesi's, and did I mention food? Trip of the year for sure. Oh and I won our fantasy football league championship with all the bros in one place. It was awesome.
Sure enough, the wedding streak continued with a cousin getting hitched. It was in Wisconsin where Travis & Darian said I do.
2019: And now we come to the year that just closed. More trips, big changes, baseball stadiums, and much more. Let's take a look.
I made the return to NYC for the first time since 2016. Ryan and I took a weekend trip for a wedding of folks he knew. This one included going to the top of the new world trade center, walking the Brooklyn Bridge at 11:30pm in full wedding attire, meeting new people, and of course a wedding!
I couldn't stay away long as myself and about 16 others went basically on a day trip to NYC to celebrate fellow geocacher George hit his 20,000 find. The cache took you to all the bridges and arches of central park where you had to get info to get the final coords. My what a doozy of a trip that was.
The MLB All-Star game came to Cleveland and I sure as heck wasn't passing it up. I bought the full weekend package and witnessed one of the greatest home run derbies of all time as well as an incredible all star game where Indians pitcher Shane Bieber won the MVP.
The MLB park tour continued with stops in Detroit at Comerica Park (Indians OF Jake Bauers hit for the cycle here!), Baltimore at Camden Yards, and San Francisco at Oracle Park.
Which brings me to my West coast trip of visiting Josh in San Francisco. The weather was amazing, the golden gate bridge was stellar, the food was delicious, and Alcatraz was a 100% must see that turned out an amazing sunset over the Pacific.
Again it was time to say goodbye to another loved one as my grandfather of 91 years of age breathed his last. To the man who could carve anything out of wood, would hand you $5 for no apparent reason, and just being a grandpa was one of his greatest joys, I was proud to have known him for 28 years. See you in the funny papers.
And as for the biggest change? I moved into my first home away from home with Seth in a 3-bedroom house. Long time coming, but indeed it happened. Home sweet home.
But wait, there was a buzzer beater wedding that snuck in before 2020 stole the show. Congrats again Frank and Caitlin!
And on that note, I'll conclude the recap here. Sure there's many other moments I could've included (a decade is a long time after all) but these were the ones I felt that best told my last 10 years. If you made it this far I applaud you. But hey, this only happens once every decade. Now it's your turn. Take a moment and reflect on your past 10 years.
Happy New Year y'all.
2010: Big life change occurred here as the beginning of the decade was part of my first year of college. The Ohio State University was my first choice and I was accepted there. But by God's grace, I ended up at Cleveland State University and dove headfirst into the world of engineering. Little did I know that my five year plan was going to be anything but. But for now, I was a college student.
January of this year I acquired my first cell phone. It was an LG ENV 3 that flipped open to a full keyboard. I had started out with 25MB of data a month that eventually expanded to 300MB (big jump I know). My how things change in 10 years!
2011: The previous year brought me my first phone, April of 2011 brought me my driver's license. No longer would I need my parents or other people to drive me around. It took me two attempts to get it (stupid parallel parking test), but yeah buddy, I was licensed to drive.
Mid-summer I made another big life decision. I decided to take a one year hiatus off school to study the bible with 30 other people in a year long Christian training. Halfway through my engineering degree and I decided to put it on hold. Who does that? This guy apparently. It was one of the best life decisions I've ever made. One of the highlights of the first half was a gospel trip to West Virginia. We went down to a small town in the mountains, preached the gospel, and really saw Christ move there. Oh and a hike through the West Virginia mountains in the fall was a real treat too.
In November I upgraded to my first smart phone. The Droid Incredible 2. Never had to buy a case for it. That thing took a beating and never cracked the screen once. If you told me something like this would exist while I was a kid in the 90s, I wouldn't have believed you.
2012: According to doomsayers misreading the Mayan calendar, the world was supposed to end this year. Spoiler alert! It didn't. Another quick punch. I got summoned for grand jury duty. There's never a good time for jury duty, but this was a really bad time as I was halfway through my Christian training. By the Lord's mercy, I was excused and it didn't interrupt the year.
During a short break, I took my first trip to North Carolina (see the blog post in I wrote in 2012) to the welcoming home of the Hayslettes. A group of us experienced southern hospitality, amazing people, and the sights and sounds of Raleigh.
My training ended, and I returned to my third year of college. Little did I know that I was not even halfway done. The Ancient Mysteries class was one of my favorite college classes of all time. I had a professor who specialized in Mayan archaeology and armed us with enough knowledge to combat 2012 doomsayers.
My newbie driver status did me in as I got into my first (and hopefully only) accident. I made a lane shift from a dead stop on a two lane road (illegal in Ohio) in the rain and put a nice big dent into a brand new 2012 ford focus. I was driving an early 90s Chevy Suburban that took only a slight paint chip. And now I know why lane shifting from a dead stop is illegal.
Four pairs of dear friends got married this year: Ben & Natalie, Ben and Halli, Nathanael & Elisabeth, and James & Allison.
2013: We were all still alive and the world didn't end.
My love for baseball and the Cleveland Indians began here (although I became a fan in 2007). Terry Francona took over the team and led a rag tag bunch of young bloods into the first every two team wild card format of the playoffs. The Tribe didn't make it past the wild card game, but they gave me hope for years to come.
My first real job (a three month paid internship) took place during the fall school semester. I worked in an R&D lab as an engineer in training for an industrial oven company known then as Manitowoc. I had the privilege of testing industrial ovens, assembling a five second bagel toaster, used welding equipment and plasma torches, and got my first taste of what my desired profession was going to be like.
My newest toy was a Droid Razr M. Sleek and thin, still didn't buy a case, still took a beating, and still no cracked screen.
I debated on including this particular entry and another one for 2014 because I didn't want to fill the recap with sadness. But the two events in back to back years impacted my life and the decade in big ways. So I am including them. This summer I lost a dear friend to an accident at the age of 23. David Kim was truly something special. Until we meet again.
2014: This was the year I was initially supposed to graduate college, but having taken the 2011-2012 year off, I delayed that another year.
This was the first summer I'd ever worked a real job (another paid internship). I had barely ever worked in the summer because I loved my freedom too much. I worked 9 weeks, but not the full summer (haha). I worked a lot with AutoCAD drawings and got to visit and oil depot.
Yet the summer wasn't all sunshine and roses. One of my first childhood friends who meant more to me than she probably ever knew, also tragically passed at the age of 23. Her name was Elise Rainville. You are deeply missed friend. Even though I really didn't show it, losing one friend the year before and then another too soon this year really took it's toll.
Another first was in October, I bought my first car. A 2004 Dodge Intrepid. She was silver, had a moon roof, amazing sounding speakers, and she was all mine. Paid for her in cash. And then 2 months later...
...I drove her 600 miles on my first solo trip which took me to Boston, MA. I went to visit an old friend I hadn't seen in 11 years. The car was a trooper and the driving (10 hours one way) wasn't so much fun, but Boston was a real treat. The trip was much needed medicine to aid my sufferings of two losses in two years.
Twas once again a big wedding year as these couple tied the knot. Peter & Yitao, Mark & Esther, Dan & Ana, and Paul & Sarah.
2015: For those that know me really well, you know I have a hobby called geocaching. This was the first year I tried it out. I found my first cache on March 21st and I was hooked. Now here I am 3000+ finds later and still going strong.
May saw a bucket list item completed as me and my buddy Ryan went to the Indianapolis 500. It was the 99th running and boy was it a blast. We toured the historic Indianapolis Motor Speedway, saw Florida Georgia Line in concert on the infield, and witnessed Juan Pablo Montoya win it all in stellar fashion.
And yes, thanks to numerous circumstances, I still found myself in college.
My favorite artist of all time is Kenny Chesney. This was the first year I attended one of his concerts. Worth every penny I spent on it. True entertainer, true legend, His music relates to me on so many levels.
The communications device was upgraded to a Droid Razr Maxx. My luck ran out as I finally cracked my first screen by dropping it face-down on tiny gravel...sigh.
Only one wedding this year, but one's better than none right?! Outdoors in the summer, it was Josh and Audra who said "I do".
2016: Hands down one of my favorite years of the decade. So many things happened here that were momentous too me. Let's do this.
In May, I finally took the walk of my life and graduated college with a Bachelor's degree in Mechanical Engineering. I also was ever grateful I was able to pay off all my college loans the day after graduation. Two of the most liberating feelings in the world.
In June, two exciting events occurred when I visited NYC for the first time and the Cleveland Cavaliers did something no Cleveland professional sports team had done since 1964; they won a championship. With NYC, it was my dream US destination. Thanks to a wedding here, I had an excuse to go and made a week long adventure out of it. One of the best trips of my life for sure. I watched for years as a fresh-out-of-high school Lebron James was revolutionizing the NBA. Living in Cleveland during this time was incredibly surreal as the city was hyped. Lebron and the Cavs did the impossible and came back from a 3-1 deficit to beat the best record team ever in the Golden State Warriors. 1.3 million people flooded the streets of downtown Cleveland for the victory parade. It was incredible.
A record five attended weddings and at least four more couples tying the knot led for a very eventful summer. Here's the skinny. The first weekend in April, I found myself in a hotel in Chicago to celebrate Timothy & Sarah's big day. By the end of the month (a week before finals) I took my first airplane ride since the age of two, ending up in Austin, TX where we celebrated Sam soon saying I do. By memorial day, I returned to Raleigh, NC to witness Cody and Angie getting hitched. Then the big escapade in NYC where Sam and Mindy tied the knot. And in a back-to-back, full weekend double shot, I had the honor of being the best man for Jeremiah & Michaele, and then suiting up again the next day to celebrate with Ian & Shulamite.
I'm a diehard Indians baseball fan. And 2016 was nearly magical. I went to a record 8 baseball games this year including a game in Yankee Stadium and one in PNC Park. I loved watching Mike Napoli crush homers and even bought a shirt that says "Party at Napoli's". I was there in the packed Jacob's Field (Progressive Field) in game one of the ALDS where the Indians had a three home run (nearly four) inning and it felt like an earthquake hit the 216. I stood outside the Jake in the midst of the crowd hoping to be there when the Indians won the World Series. But it went to 7 games and on my 26th birthday, I lost my mind when Rajai Davis hit the game tying homer of Chapman to send the game into extras. Then sat their in stunned silence as the Cubs broke their 108 year old curse. Any other year I would've been happy for the Cubs, but not this year. Even though the Tribe couldn't pull it off, that season was still magical.
2017: After a year of searching, I got my first big boy job as a Lighting Designer for General Electric (which I still have to this day) and it couldn't have come at a better time.
My travels took another huge swing as I left North America for the first time in my life and ended up in Sydney, Australia for two weeks. And what an amazing two weeks it was! New friends, new sites, people heard the gospel, a view from the Opera House and Harbor Bridge, an amazing race style scavenger hunt, bbqs and frisbee on the beach, and so much more. Yet another trip of a lifetime.
Needing a new device, I jumped off the motorola ship and landed aboard the Samsung cruiser. Armed and dangerous, the Galaxy J7 V proved to be the right choice and it's still my current device.
I sadly had to say goodbye to my first car. The transmission went on the Intrepid at 214,000 miles and with a slew of other problems, it was time for her to go. She served me well. I welcomed a 2008 blue Chevy Malibu into my life. We've had some rough spots, but she still gets the job done.
I said goodbye to my grandmother on my mom's side as it was her time to go. I'll never forget those times we visited and she laughed with delight as we discovered the shelves and pantry loaded with goodies all for us. Miss you Grandma.
With love still in the air, I had the pleasure of three more joyous occasions. Philip & Phoebe (Michigan), Aaron & Marley (Wisconsin), and Scott & Nina (Cleveland).
2018: 2018 was the year of travel, but before all that could happen, Nick Foles had to pull off the Philly Special and the Eagles had to top the dastardly Patriots to win their first ever super bowl title. To say I was overjoyed would be an understatement.
Blogging wasn't enough and in April of this year, I started a vlog. Nearly two years later, it's 83 episodes strong.
My travels took me to many places. In May I visited Cincinnati and attended the largest gathering of geocachers ever in the US known as Geowoodstock. I also used this trip to dip down into Newport, KY for my first ever visit to that state. In August, I found myself back in Wisconsin for a week of family fun. Then shortly after I wound up in Chicago to hang with Jesse and see a Cubs game at the legendary Wrigley Field. By September, I began what has become an annual West Coast adventure as I took Seattle by storm. I hung out with Nick, Lau, Adam, and Lisa, went atop the Space Needle, and checked SafeCo Field off the baseball bucket list.
But the ultimate trip of the year was when 12 of us bros spent 4 days down in New Orleans right before Christmas. It was Bourbon Street, the French Quarter, Beignets, the aquarium, food, the market, Adolpho's, food, swamp tour, haunted tour, fantasy football championship, Clesi's, and did I mention food? Trip of the year for sure. Oh and I won our fantasy football league championship with all the bros in one place. It was awesome.
Sure enough, the wedding streak continued with a cousin getting hitched. It was in Wisconsin where Travis & Darian said I do.
2019: And now we come to the year that just closed. More trips, big changes, baseball stadiums, and much more. Let's take a look.
I made the return to NYC for the first time since 2016. Ryan and I took a weekend trip for a wedding of folks he knew. This one included going to the top of the new world trade center, walking the Brooklyn Bridge at 11:30pm in full wedding attire, meeting new people, and of course a wedding!
I couldn't stay away long as myself and about 16 others went basically on a day trip to NYC to celebrate fellow geocacher George hit his 20,000 find. The cache took you to all the bridges and arches of central park where you had to get info to get the final coords. My what a doozy of a trip that was.
The MLB All-Star game came to Cleveland and I sure as heck wasn't passing it up. I bought the full weekend package and witnessed one of the greatest home run derbies of all time as well as an incredible all star game where Indians pitcher Shane Bieber won the MVP.
The MLB park tour continued with stops in Detroit at Comerica Park (Indians OF Jake Bauers hit for the cycle here!), Baltimore at Camden Yards, and San Francisco at Oracle Park.
Which brings me to my West coast trip of visiting Josh in San Francisco. The weather was amazing, the golden gate bridge was stellar, the food was delicious, and Alcatraz was a 100% must see that turned out an amazing sunset over the Pacific.
Again it was time to say goodbye to another loved one as my grandfather of 91 years of age breathed his last. To the man who could carve anything out of wood, would hand you $5 for no apparent reason, and just being a grandpa was one of his greatest joys, I was proud to have known him for 28 years. See you in the funny papers.
And as for the biggest change? I moved into my first home away from home with Seth in a 3-bedroom house. Long time coming, but indeed it happened. Home sweet home.
But wait, there was a buzzer beater wedding that snuck in before 2020 stole the show. Congrats again Frank and Caitlin!
And on that note, I'll conclude the recap here. Sure there's many other moments I could've included (a decade is a long time after all) but these were the ones I felt that best told my last 10 years. If you made it this far I applaud you. But hey, this only happens once every decade. Now it's your turn. Take a moment and reflect on your past 10 years.
Happy New Year y'all.
Sunday, November 24, 2019
Screw the Doubt, Just Do It
The title is brash, but for good reason. There's no sugar coating this post. No holding your hand, walking you through it, no babying you until you hear what you want to hear. This is a full force shove into the deep end with no life jacket. The training wheels were never there. User manual? Never existed. That tiny voice in your head that instills doubt...screw it.
For many years I let that voice rule me. It held me down, ruined what would've been epic memories, and stole incredible moments. Even after I thought I had beaten it, every once in awhile, it would resurface. Attacking moments I considered insignificant, but in hindsight were crucial. No matter what condition you are in, everyone deals with this voice, some just louder than others. And the truth is that if you coddle that voice to make it feel like it compromised...you're wrong. It won.
An old example comes from my childhood. Every summer I took swimming lessons at our local pool. And I absolutely hated the deep water. I did it each year because it meant a week of going swimming. There were at least 8 levels to get through. They weren't restricted to year, but they were restricted to the one week. Some kids got through 3 levels in a week, some one, and some didn't even pass. I was the third kid. Each level took me multiple tries. My first attempt at level 1, that voice harassed me. Telling me they were going to force me to do scary things and if I started drowning, no one would be there to help me. So I cried my way through level 1. The next year I came back as did the voice, but I managed to keep it at bay to make it past level 1. The next year two years were the same results. Two years for level 2. Then came the dreaded level 3. This meant jumping in the deep end. For three straight years, that was the only thing keeping me from getting to level four. And that evil voice screamed louder each time. "You'll drown. Those instructors are lying. They won't catch you. You're weak."
My fourth attempt at passing level 3 was going to be my last. We were moving in August. The first four days went fine. But on the fifth day came the dreaded jump. There I stood on the edge of the deep. Dreading that moment. The voice came screaming in like it always did. But then another voice emerged. A human voice. One of the girls in my class admitted she was afraid of jumping in too. And after some consideration, she decided that it was her last chance for a whole year to do this and to heck with it, she was jumping. I watched as she leaped into the deep. In a matter of seconds, she surfaced and was treading water. My instructor encouraged me and she did too. "If I can do it, you can too." Then a new voice popped in my head. It sternly said "Screw the doubt, just do it!"
I jumped.
Mere seconds after I hit the water, I found myself above the surface and made it to the wall. Two emotions swept over me. Sheer joy that I had just conquered a dastardly fear and slight irritation that I let that stupid voice rob me of progress. Then the whistle blew and as I reunited with my parents, I had a certificate in my hand that proved I passed level 3. But because I let that evil voice rule me, instead of making it through 8 levels, I only completed 3.
Even though I beat that voice then, it never totally went away and it never fully will. It can sometimes linger in a smaller way.
A more recent example is from when I was in NYC for the first time in 2016. I didn't have a plan for when I was there other than I knew what I wanted to see and do. Nearly every day I winged it. Starting at one place and moving to everything I wanted to see within the time I had. After five days of this, my time was running out. I had one full day left and I still hadn't done one of the things I had mainly planned to do. Most of the stuff I did was before all my friends arrived for the wedding we were all attending. And the days following, we did stuff together. So by then, it was hard for me to do some other individual things.
When the city woke me up on my final day there, I realized I had a small window to go do what I had been dreaming of doing since I was a mere lad. Stand at the base of the Statue of Liberty. But that dreaded voice arose and spoke these words: "It'll take you an hour to get there and at least another 3 to do the whole process. You'll have to deal with mass crowds of people, long lines, and all in the hot sun. What if your friends wake up while you're there and have other plans in store? You've seen so many other things already. No need for more. You've seen it from a distance, isn't that enough?" Part of me actually began to believe it was right. But then I realized what was speaking. I unlocked my phone and saw Lady Liberty staring at me from my wallpaper. I recalled the feelings of incredible joy from stumbling upon the Balto statue in Central Park. I had been waiting my whole life to see the Statue of Liberty and I wasn't going to let that voice of death stop me now.
I waited in the lines. I boarded the boat. As we got closer, my excitement kept building. As we cruised across the ocean, she became larger and larger. Once the boat docked, I wasted no time getting off. I hastily moved to where she stood. And as I gazed upon her, I was in complete awe. I drowned out the crowds around me, as if they weren't there. I was standing at the feet of the very statue that promised hope to so many years ago. The moment was incredible and as for that voice, not even a whimper could be heard. I know that if I had given any ground to the doubt, I'd be regretting it
heavily still to this day.
Now to be clear, I'm not advocating for you to do anything stupid. If you're hearing that voice, don't ignore it because that's your conscience. Ignoring that would be bad. But the voice I mentioned here is more concerned with filling you with fear, doubt, and despair. It's sole purpose is to destroy you. Don't let it do that. Don't let fear and doubt hold you down. Sometimes you have to take that chance. That leap of faith. Because you truly will never know what it's like unless you just do it. Trust me, you'll be glad you did.
For many years I let that voice rule me. It held me down, ruined what would've been epic memories, and stole incredible moments. Even after I thought I had beaten it, every once in awhile, it would resurface. Attacking moments I considered insignificant, but in hindsight were crucial. No matter what condition you are in, everyone deals with this voice, some just louder than others. And the truth is that if you coddle that voice to make it feel like it compromised...you're wrong. It won.
An old example comes from my childhood. Every summer I took swimming lessons at our local pool. And I absolutely hated the deep water. I did it each year because it meant a week of going swimming. There were at least 8 levels to get through. They weren't restricted to year, but they were restricted to the one week. Some kids got through 3 levels in a week, some one, and some didn't even pass. I was the third kid. Each level took me multiple tries. My first attempt at level 1, that voice harassed me. Telling me they were going to force me to do scary things and if I started drowning, no one would be there to help me. So I cried my way through level 1. The next year I came back as did the voice, but I managed to keep it at bay to make it past level 1. The next year two years were the same results. Two years for level 2. Then came the dreaded level 3. This meant jumping in the deep end. For three straight years, that was the only thing keeping me from getting to level four. And that evil voice screamed louder each time. "You'll drown. Those instructors are lying. They won't catch you. You're weak."
My fourth attempt at passing level 3 was going to be my last. We were moving in August. The first four days went fine. But on the fifth day came the dreaded jump. There I stood on the edge of the deep. Dreading that moment. The voice came screaming in like it always did. But then another voice emerged. A human voice. One of the girls in my class admitted she was afraid of jumping in too. And after some consideration, she decided that it was her last chance for a whole year to do this and to heck with it, she was jumping. I watched as she leaped into the deep. In a matter of seconds, she surfaced and was treading water. My instructor encouraged me and she did too. "If I can do it, you can too." Then a new voice popped in my head. It sternly said "Screw the doubt, just do it!"
I jumped.
Mere seconds after I hit the water, I found myself above the surface and made it to the wall. Two emotions swept over me. Sheer joy that I had just conquered a dastardly fear and slight irritation that I let that stupid voice rob me of progress. Then the whistle blew and as I reunited with my parents, I had a certificate in my hand that proved I passed level 3. But because I let that evil voice rule me, instead of making it through 8 levels, I only completed 3.
Even though I beat that voice then, it never totally went away and it never fully will. It can sometimes linger in a smaller way.
A more recent example is from when I was in NYC for the first time in 2016. I didn't have a plan for when I was there other than I knew what I wanted to see and do. Nearly every day I winged it. Starting at one place and moving to everything I wanted to see within the time I had. After five days of this, my time was running out. I had one full day left and I still hadn't done one of the things I had mainly planned to do. Most of the stuff I did was before all my friends arrived for the wedding we were all attending. And the days following, we did stuff together. So by then, it was hard for me to do some other individual things.
When the city woke me up on my final day there, I realized I had a small window to go do what I had been dreaming of doing since I was a mere lad. Stand at the base of the Statue of Liberty. But that dreaded voice arose and spoke these words: "It'll take you an hour to get there and at least another 3 to do the whole process. You'll have to deal with mass crowds of people, long lines, and all in the hot sun. What if your friends wake up while you're there and have other plans in store? You've seen so many other things already. No need for more. You've seen it from a distance, isn't that enough?" Part of me actually began to believe it was right. But then I realized what was speaking. I unlocked my phone and saw Lady Liberty staring at me from my wallpaper. I recalled the feelings of incredible joy from stumbling upon the Balto statue in Central Park. I had been waiting my whole life to see the Statue of Liberty and I wasn't going to let that voice of death stop me now.
I waited in the lines. I boarded the boat. As we got closer, my excitement kept building. As we cruised across the ocean, she became larger and larger. Once the boat docked, I wasted no time getting off. I hastily moved to where she stood. And as I gazed upon her, I was in complete awe. I drowned out the crowds around me, as if they weren't there. I was standing at the feet of the very statue that promised hope to so many years ago. The moment was incredible and as for that voice, not even a whimper could be heard. I know that if I had given any ground to the doubt, I'd be regretting it
heavily still to this day.
Now to be clear, I'm not advocating for you to do anything stupid. If you're hearing that voice, don't ignore it because that's your conscience. Ignoring that would be bad. But the voice I mentioned here is more concerned with filling you with fear, doubt, and despair. It's sole purpose is to destroy you. Don't let it do that. Don't let fear and doubt hold you down. Sometimes you have to take that chance. That leap of faith. Because you truly will never know what it's like unless you just do it. Trust me, you'll be glad you did.
Friday, November 8, 2019
Birthdays
Do you remember way back in 2006, when Facebook was just two years old and had just opened up to high schoolers? Do you recall when all it was meant for was sharing photos, checking in on each other's lives, and keeping in touch? This was before all the apps came in. Before any joe schmoe could create an account. Before corporations, advertising, fake news, political propaganda took over. Before my generation, the ones that helped make Facebook the billion dollar empire it is today, started pushing the deactivate button and leaving for greener pastures. Why the reminiscing? Because there was a time that happened once a year, that made me stay glued to this social media platform all day.
You see, back when facebook was worth using and keeping track of on a daily basis, people wrote on each other's walls. They posted messages and interacted in lengthy comments. People could scroll down your wall and see all this interaction. Because it was about the human connection. Your friends could see this. They could chime in. And pretty soon, you'd find your self in an epic conversation. And most of it was never negative. You had no need to block anyone. Or to delete comments your regretted posting. It was a happier time for sure. But what made this phenomenon most enjoyable, was when one's birthday rolled around. Starting at midnight, every one of your friends who logged into facebook would see very obviously (as long as you had your birthday listed in your profile) that it was indeed your birthday. At this time, there was no sidebar, no window to right a simple message, no "birthday card". You literally had to take the time to go to their page and write on their wall. Usually when one did this, they left more than a simple "Happy Birthday". And it was usually a decent number of your active friends who did so.
But those are bygone days. Yes people still send out birthday greetings, but it's not the same as it was 13 years ago. But that doesn't mean I love seeing those notifications any less. The one thing I have noticed in recent years is the group of people who takes the time to write that wonderful message is an interesting group. As I scrolled through the messages, there were a number from people I've known for awhile, but hardly ever interact with on facebook and some I haven't seen in years that took the time to send warm greetings my way. And I love it. It shows me that people I still think about, who at one point had an impact in my life, are still aware of my presence and they still care.
My birthday was this month. It is the last year of my 20s. It still blows my mind saying that. So this is all fresh and relevant. And because this simple act of kindness is near and dear to me, I, in return, extend the favor. Facebook says I have 563 friends (as of this writing). That's more than 365. And while not every one in that 563 was born in such a way that all 365 days are covered, there are still hundreds of days that come with birthdays. It doesn't matter if I haven't talked to you in years. It doesn't matter if I only knew you for a few days or my whole life. What matters is that you were born and you entered my life. Therefore, every day (if I don't forget), I check facebook at least once to see who has a birthday. And then I will take the time to wish you a happy birthday because I know how much it makes my day, so why not make yours?
Truth is, the older you get, the way you view birthdays changes. But I still appreciate it every time it rolls around. It reminds me that I'm alive. It brings out the good in people, and it shows how many do care.
So when this time rolls around again next year, you can bet I'll be looking forward to those little notifications pinging my phone. And if you are reading this and it is your birthday, well then, I wish you all the best and a very happy birthday!
Truth is, the older you get, the way you view birthdays changes. But I still appreciate it every time it rolls around. It reminds me that I'm alive. It brings out the good in people, and it shows how many do care.
So when this time rolls around again next year, you can bet I'll be looking forward to those little notifications pinging my phone. And if you are reading this and it is your birthday, well then, I wish you all the best and a very happy birthday!
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