Hollywood's Noah: A False Portrayal

Being a Christian and growing up knowing the classic stories of the Old Testament that every kid who went to Sunday school classes should know, naturally I wanted to watch Hollywood's take on Noah. Now I knew going into it that it wasn't going to be completely accurate and that Noah's character was going to be on the extreme side, but I was in for a shock at how much Hollywood skewed the story. As I sat there watching it, I cared less and less about how well the movie was made, how well the actors performed, or how well the dialogue was written. I became livid at just how wrong Hollywood was. With all that being said, I am going to spoil the heck out of it by pointing out all the inaccuracies and my thoughts on their portrayal. If you really want to waste your time like I did, stop reading now.

SPOILER ALERT: (Hollywood's take) 1. The whole movie is set at a much earlier setting than the Bible records. None of Noah's three sons have wives, Shem has a girlfriend, Ham is barely of age, and Japheth is just a young boy.
2. The Watchers (cursed angels that tried to "help" man) were enslaved by mankind and were convinced by Noah to help him build the ark.
3. Shem's girlfriend can't conceive and is miraculously healed by Methuselah.
4. Ham tries to take a young girl onto the ark, but she is abandoned by Noah and killed by an angry mob trying to kill Noah and his family.
5. The Watchers are "defeated" defending the ark and released back to heaven.
6. Noah's family makes it onto the ark and Noah shuts the door.
7. The leader of the mob successfully gets on the ark and is hidden and cared for by Ham.
8. The mob leader starts eating the animals to survive.
9. Noah looks at his situation, seeing that there are no wives for his sons and Shem's girlfriend is barren (he doesn't know she was healed yet) and believe's God spared them so they could die a natural death and that God really wanted mankind to ultimately end.
10. Noah finds out that Shem's girlfriend is pregnant and determines that if the baby is a girl, he will kill her so she can't become a wife for his sons.
11. Shem's girlfriend produces twin girls, which is exactly what's needed for Ham and Japheth to have a wife. Noah still wants to kill them.
12. Ham and the mob boss conspire to kill Noah (Ham wants revenge for the girl Noah abandoned). But as Noah and the mob boss struggle, Ham kills the mob boss.
13. Noah goes to kill the twins in their mother's arms, but drops the knife and walks away.
14. They include the drunken Noah scene. He is passed out in a cave and does not curse or bless anyone.

Biblical Truth: 1. When they enter the ark, all three sons have wives. Gen 7:7  "And Noah and his sons and his wife and his sons' wives with him went into the ark to escape the waters of the flood."

2. There is no mention of Watchers anywhere in the Bible. The only thing that comes close are the Nephilim and there was no mention of them helping or being enslaved by man. This is all that the Bible says on them: Gen 6:4  "The Nephilim were on the earth in those days, and also afterward, when the sons of God came in to the daughters of man and they bore children to them. These were the mighty men who were of old, the men of renown." This is a harder topic to understand, but the clear thing is there were no watchers.

3. Point one refutes this because Shem had a wife and there is no mention of her being injured or being healed by Methuselah.

4. Again point 1. Ham already had a wife and she was brought on the ark.

5. See point 2.

6. Noah did not close the door. Gen 7:16  "And those that entered, male and female of all flesh, went in as God had commanded him. And the LORD shut him in."

7. No one other than the animals, Noah, and his family were on the ark. Gen 7:13  On the very same day Noah and his sons, Shem and Ham and Japheth, and Noah's wife and the three wives of his sons with them entered the ark." Gen 7:23  "He blotted out every living thing that was on the face of the ground, man and animals and creeping things and birds of the heavens. They were blotted out from the earth. Only Noah was left, and those who were with him in the ark."

8. The Bible makes no mention of eating the animals, but rather to keep them alive.Gen 6:19  "And of every living thing of all flesh, you shall bring two of every sort into the ark to keep them alive with you. They shall be male and female. 

Gen 6:20  Of the birds according to their kinds, and of the animals according to their kinds, of every creeping thing of the ground, according to its kind, two of every sort shall come in to you to keep them alive. 

Gen 6:21  Also take with you every sort of food that is eaten, and store it up. It shall serve as food for you and for them." 

9. This was the part that made me the most angry. Noah knew from the beginning that God was sparing him and his family to start over. If not, why save them? This was an awful Hollywood concoction. Gen 6:17  "For behold, I will bring a flood of waters upon the earth to destroy all flesh in which is the breath of life under heaven. Everything that is on the earth shall die. 

Gen 6:18  But I will establish my covenant with you, and you shall come into the ark, you, your sons, your wife, and your sons' wives with you. Gen 9:1  "And God blessed Noah and his sons and said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth." 

10. The Bible does not mention babies being born on the ark. And Noah was not a baby killer.

11. See point 10.

12. See note 7

13. If you want to compare this to God asking Abraham sacrificing Isaac, the difference is God told Abraham to do it and then stopped him. In the movie, Noah get's the revelation on his own and stops himself. I absolutely loathed this part of the story line.

14. They even slipped in the only sin mentioned about Noah and they couldn't even get that right. He had vineyard and passed out in a tent, not on a beach in a cave. Gen 9:20  "Noah began to be a man of the soil, and he planted a vineyard. 

Gen 9:21  He drank of the wine and became drunk and lay uncovered in his tent." Also he didn't curse Canaan or bless his sons in the movie, but the Bible tells us that he did. "Gen 9:24  When Noah awoke from his wine and knew what his youngest son had done to him, 

Gen 9:25  he said, "Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be to his brothers." 

Gen 9:26  He also said, "Blessed be the LORD, the God of Shem; and let Canaan be his servant. 

Gen 9:27  May God enlarge Japheth, and let him dwell in the tents of Shem, and let Canaan be his servant." 

So there you have it. Now you know why I hated it. But in all of it's flaws and garbage, there is a blooming flower. It may get Christians to dust off the Bible to find the flaws on their own by causing them to read it. It also may make unbelievers curious and cause them to read the Bible as well. 

Verdict: If you know the story of Noah inside out, don't watch the movie. It's a waste of your time.

If you are going to read the Bible to find the flaws on your own, then by all means watch it.

If you want to watch it for fun...well, with all the inaccuracies aside, the movie wasn't well done in terms of filming, dialogue, etc. So it's your loss if you chose to watch it.