For Thermodynamics (I hate this class a lot), we took a tour of CSU's HVAC system which is the system that heats and cools the entire campus. We got to see the massive pipes, coils, chillers, and a bunch of other systems that were noisy and surrounded by concrete. Being blunt, I was bored and not very impressed. We then went from basically the basement all the way to the 20th floor where we saw more coils, metal, and rooms in dire need of repair. I briefly looked and then moved on. My only thoughts at this point were that I was thankful not to have to sit through a two hour lecture on things that make my head hurt. But then I stepped through a small opening and onto a balcony. This balcony was at the very top of Rhodes Tower. Which is the very tower the has the emerald green CSU letters plastered on the side and can be see entering and exiting downtown Cleveland. For years I had always looked up and wondered what it would be like to be up there. Now here I was staring across Cleveland, the city on a Great Lake, with an amazing view. Eight years ago, I never would've ever stepped out there, let alone even going up to the 20th floor.
If you read my June 8th post, you would know about my anxiety, how bad it was, how it trapped me, and how it ruled me (if you want all the details, go read that post). You would also see how I overcame it and how my life has changed ever since. Now I long for adventure. To explore places unseen, to scale heights, to take a ride on the wild side, to travel to foreign lands, to do the exact opposite of what anxiety once told me I couldn't do.
I also know how short life on earth truly is. I constantly feel like I'm three years behind where I should be which puts me now on the edge of 2011...and it's almost 2015! Maybe that's why I'm so nostalgic. All it took was a step out of the race we call human and glance at what I were missing. It's why I like to be with those I call friends. It's why my memory is strong because I never want to let those moments I shared with y'all fade. It's just who I am.
For those of you who don't know, I have lost two friends in two consecutive years. In both cases, my fears came true. Both of them I was thinking about and had not seen in awhile, one much longer than the other. In those moments, I had been longing to spend time with them, because in a way, I wasn't as close to them as I would've liked, but they still meant a lot to me. Every missed opportunity I had to see them was like a tiny thorn in my side. Because for me, I live with the thought that if I'm not going to see someone for awhile, it may be my last. In both cases, that's exactly what happened. Even though I didn't show it, it ate me up inside. There are people from my life in PA that I haven't seen in 11 years and had missed opportunities because that's how crazy life is. It's one the major reason I fight to go to every Vision Week, every college/regional conference, or any other group event. It's because there will be people there that matter in my life and it's the time I am given to spend with them all. Family, friends, and brothers and sisters in Christ matter to me. And to anyone who ever said you can never have enough friends, I applaud you.
Getting back to the second thing that happened to me that caused me to write this post. I was video surfing on Youtube and I came across a video of a famous youtuber which was an abnormal video compared to her normal ones. It was a video in which she was thanking her fans through video clips of her life from when she started on youtube until now. It showed her just being herself and loving life and sharing that human experience with the world. Because she made that choice, it changed her life in ways she could've never imagined. All because she wasn't afraid to grab life by the horns, not let haters phase her, and doing what she loved. But she couldn't have done it without all those who supported her along the way. So where am I going with all this? Let me be open again. I don't enjoy school. I hate having to take classes I don't like, paying money for classes that are insanely hard with professors who just don't get it or barely speak English, tests upon tests, upon tests to "prove" you know what you are doing, etc. In at least four classes (and there's probably more), I lost an A on a test or overall grade because I made a simple error or was given the hardest possible questions, and the professors saw it fit to take off enough points to cost me a B or an A. It made me question why I even tried so hard or why I even took up engineering in the first place. Because grades only matter for school and scholarship. The majority of employers will not care that you never got a C. All they care about is that you have $40,000+ piece of paper that says you're qualified. Even if you are skilled or talented enough to be what they are looking for, if you don't have that piece of paper, you don't get the job.
I'm an outgoing, adventurous person who wants to experience so much while I am young and as long as I make enough money to support myself and a family down the road, I don't care one bit about making a penny more than that. I chose engineering because I like to tinker with things and create new things. Not for the money. I trust Jesus Christ in that department. Professors keep telling me I should get my Professional Engineer title (P.E.) because it's that great a difference between decent money and a boat load. But for me that means another 2-4 years of school and two 8 hour tests...yeah that's not happening...ever. All I want right now is to enjoy those around me and experience all life has to offer before a full time job is a must. Oh and for that year I took off school to serve the Lord. I don't regret it and you can take that to the bank.
So I apologize if it may have seemed like a rant, but I had to get that off my chest. And for those who skimmed it I don't blame you. In short, life is short and family and friends make life a whole lot more worth it. Do what you gotta to to get where you gotta be, but don't let time steal precious moments from you. Let go and let God. Until I see y'all again, may the Lord bless you always.
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