The Story of My Life: The Banned Games

"I'm bored!" A phrase kids love to say and parents hate to hear. Unfortunately for my mother, she heard this phrase more than one should. Her first response to our incessant whines was "go outside and find something to do." Most of the time we replied with a curt "No!" Then she'd simply say, "We'll I've got plenty of chores you can do." That second response had us bee-lining out the door. You better believe we managed to cure our boredom, but the way we did it usually forced us to find new ways each time we uttered that dreadful phrase. Why? Because the games we came up with almost always caused an outcome that would force my parents to put and end to them. Hence the name: The Banned Games. In the rest of this chapter, I will be describing each game in detail and giving you the cause for why it was banned. For some, you may see a pattern. Let's go.

Shoe Kicking Competition: Remember that swing-set I mentioned we had? We utilized it in many different ways. We found out that if we swung hard enough and gained enough momentum, with a forceful kick, we could send a shoe (or flip-flop) great distances. The game was simple. Using the swing, we had two chances (both feet) to see who could send their shoe flying the farthest. We could take as long as we needed to get high enough to launch the shoe as far we could. Seemed harmless enough right? Well there were two problems. We didn't understand physics very well yet and there happened to be a large male mulberry tree 30ft from the swing set. If a shoe was kicked of at the highest point of the forward arc of the swing, the foot most likely sent the shoe straight up with little horizontal momentum. Sometimes the angle of the kick would just miss the sweet spot and the shoe would zing towards the tree. We even sometimes purposely tried to kick the shoe over the tree for bonus points. However, all of these antics led to many shoes getting stuck in the tree. My parents got sick of retrieving them and thus gave the game the ban hammer.

Hula Hoop Battle: Hula hoops could only entertain in their natural use for so long. Of course we found "better" ways to use them. In Hula Hoop Battle a minimum of two people were required, but you could include as many people as hula hoops you had. You and your opponent selected their hula hoop of choice and then stood about 25ft apart. Using a countdown of 3-0, you and your opponent would toss the hula hoops into the air at each of them. The goal was to hit your opponent's hula hoop and knock it backwards towards them. Every time you succeeded, you got a point. If they both went backwards, it was a draw and no points were awarded. If they both missed, also no points. The point cap changed each time we played so as long as you hit that number, you won. Children are not always aware of their surroundings as we liked to play this game near some pine trees. On occasion, a hoop or two would end up lodged in the branches of the pines. Those instances contributed to the game's banning, but the final nail in the coffin came on a cold, overcast, fall day. Tim and I were outside and playing with the hula hoops when I challenged him to a game. Things were going mostly well except for an argument or two of who got the point. Then, during one toss, I decided to heave mine up really high. It missed Tim's hoop, but began falling perfectly towards him. I think he was paying more attention to where his went because the moment he looked straight up, the hula hoop crashed into his face. The cold, hard plastic obviously didn't feel good and I didn't mean to hit him, but he went and told mom anyway. Not wanting to deal with more potential injuries, mom put an end to hula hoop battle.

Civil War: As most young boys do, if something we were playing with looked like a gun, we acted like it was a gun. Every once in awhile we'd come across a fallen branch or twig that looked like a shotgun or pistol. Then we'd pretend it was a gun and pretend to shoot each other. It ended up being a lot of "your dead!" and "no I'm not!" Over time we would find branches that were too perfect and we'd hide them in places where they wouldn't get ruined or taken. We also had plenty of walnuts around and they were small and green, just like grenades. We decided one day that we had enough to have an actual war. This war was going to be a three way battle between Zach, Tim, and myself. We grabbed all of our gun-sticks and walnut-grenades and took positions on the front hill facing the golf course. We each had a tree and began pretend firing upon one another. At some point, Zach and I thought it would be funny to team up on Tim and convinced him to go by the stone covering a drainage pipe. As he "fired" upon us, Zach and I took our hoard of walnuts and began launching them at Tim. I don't recall if we actually hit him, but I would say it was a good possibility because he quit mid barrage and told my mom. She was not pleased that we had made "guns" and were "shooting" each other. Her public enemy number one was also walnut stains. She gave us a pretty stern warning to not attempt this game again. In reality, while that was the last of Civil War, it didn't stop us from throwing walnuts at each other for all sorts of reasons in the future. 

Alligator: I'm cheating a little as this one wasn't 100% banned. More like, constantly stopped. We had a small gravel driveway flanked on both sides by two small banks. Those banks allowed us to pick up speed running down one side to be able to scale the bank on the other side with ease. We would even take small riding toys and see how far we could get. I don't remember whose idea this was, but one day we decided to create our version of Sharks & Minnows, not knowing that that game had already been in existence. The gravel driveway became a "river" and the person in the middle was the alligator. Everyone else had to try to run across without getting eaten (caught). Last person alive won and the first person caught became the new alligator. Nothing too crazy. The problem was that kids are clumsy. Add that in with us older ones being a little more rough and a gravel driveway, led to a bunch of cut-up knees and elbows. Once the casualties rose to an unbearable level, the game would receive a temporary ban.

Whack The Walnuts: This is the most notorious banned game of them all. It started harmless enough, but took a dramatic and scary turn which landed it on this list. Every year Grandma Watkins would make all of us kids Easter baskets. Well she wouldn't actually make the basket itself, but she'd buy the decorative grass and candy to fill them up with. The baskets she used were made to last as they were this incredibly hard plastic with a thin metal handle. You could leave it outside in the elements and it still wouldn't crack and fade as today's plastic baskets do. Sarah had a pink one that she saved all those years and it eventually ended up with our outdoor toys in the shed. One day, Zach and I found some rope and decided to tie it to the handle on the basket. Then we flung the basket over a low tree branch and filled it to the brim with walnuts. Zach then went and found the biggest branch he could carry and told me to pull the basket up and down like a piñata. Zach would then swing the large branch as hard as he could at the basket and try to knock out as many walnuts as possible. This game we invented became very popular amongst all of us kids and it was played quite often. I think we eventually made the rules that you got 10 swings or 5 bucket hits, whichever came first. You won by knocking out the most walnuts. Sarah also didn't mind us using that basket as it took hardly a dent from our brutality. It was always funny when someone whiffed really hard or the person pulling the basket up and down had to dodge rogue walnuts. This game managed to stick around for a long time, until one fateful late spring night. I was stuck inside with my dad going over my dreaded math homework. Suddenly, the door of the house swings open and we hear a loud wailing. Then as my Dad and I look up, there stood Tim in tears with blood streaming down his face. "WHAT HAPPENED!" my mom shouted aghast. "Stephen hit me in the head with a tree branch!" Tim wailed. Apparently, Tim was the one pulling the basket up and down and 3-4 year old Stephen was the one swinging at the basket. I don't know why they thought it was a good idea to let a kid under the age of 5 use an incredibly large branch for this game. Thankfully, Tim's head wound turned out to be a small cut and no stitches were required. Unfortunately for us, one of our favorite invented games was banned effective immediately after that incident.

(Bonus) Sled Wars: Sled wars was never actually banned but based on the previous causes for banning a game, it should've been. Every winter, once the hill in our front yard was covered in snow, we hauled out plastic sleds, foam sleds, snow boards, and basically anything that could shred snow. Being the creative kids that we were, simply riding and racing sleds wasn't enough. We created a no holes barred version where as soon as you took off you did whatever was necessary to win. Some of the stunts I pulled were as follows: If my opponent passed me, I would leap out of my sled, onto my opponent's, and try to push them out and win the race in their sled. I would try to race down standing on the sleds at times and maintaining balance was hard enough. But it was more crazy when we tried to physically push each other over while racing down the hill. I sometimes deployed my other siblings to interfere with whomever I was racing. One more fun, but usually ineffective tactic was to load up the back of the sled with snow balls and wail them at each other on the way down. One could say sled wars was probably the most dangerous game, but we loved it more than the bumps and bruises we acquired than to tattle to our parents that so-and-so hurt us.

There were a handful of other very minor games that we did not event, but got banned due to things like broken windows, broken toys, or having country club members get mad at us. There were probably other games that my siblings created that got banned, but these were the most memorable to me. Even though many were short lived, they did indeed cure our boredom.

The Story of My Life: A New Addition and a Taste of the 90s

I loved the 90s. Not entirely because I'm biased. Not entirely because I grew up in them. But mainly because of what they brought and what they meant to me. The movies, the culture, how we hung out on weekends, the music, the toys, etc. You may be reading this and thinking how could you fully appreciate all that under the age of 10? Or how "the good ol' days" can be attributed to every generation. Believe it or not, I did have awareness and appreciation at that age and because I that was my life experience, the 90s are my good ol' days.

Movies and TV shows as a kid were a big factor. In 1994, Disney released The Lion King. If I need to say anymore as to why that is a big deal, then you've been living under a rock. In 1995, Pixar released Toy Story. Yes, THE first Toy Story which is now 26 years old. That movie revolutionized animated movies. It flooded the culture. It made kids like me see toys in a whole new way. When burger king released Toy Story toys in their kid's meals, you better believe I managed to get my parents to take me so I could get the large set of toy army men from the movie. That very Christmas I was given a Mr. Potato Head toy that I still own to this day. The amount of non-animated family friendly movies were huge. Movies like Air Bud, Beethoven, Homeward Bound, The Mighty Ducks, Free Willy, Summer of the Monkeys, Flubber, just to name a few. The movie experience wouldn't be complete without Blockbuster. Kids today will never know the experience of seeing that big blue sign being a welcoming beacon to a world of wonder and then entering the store to see hundreds of movies displayed to catch your eye. Towering racks of neatly organized candy and popcorn begging you to buy some, larger-than-life cut out posters of whatever movie star or animated character was hot that year displayed throughout the store. Since our parents would only let us choose one or two movies, we'd take our sweet time fretting over which movie we really wanted to see and which would have to wait until next time. And they were all VHS tapes. DVDs had just made their entrance into the world late 1996 and the excitement of finally picking out a movie and taking it home, to the slight disappointment you'd have to wait for two-four minutes for the tape to rewind because the last renter failed to do so, to the giddiness of seeing the MGM Lion, the Paramount stars, or the Disney castle open the film in all its low quality, grainy goodness. What a time to be alive.

TGIF. The acronym for Thank God It's Friday, meant a whole lot more to me as ABC used if for a Friday night spectacular. I always made sure chores and homework were done because I was not missing TGIF. The line-up changed throughout the 90s but included the likes of Full House, Family Matters, Boy Meets World, and Two of a Kind to name a few. These TV families were part of my Friday nights for years and no matter what kind of day I was having, they brought a little more joy into my life.

Music in the 90s had a broad range of popular genres. But one word comes to mid when I think of that decade. Boybands. Boybands ruled the 90s. From Backstreet Boys to N'Sync, to 98 Degrees, to Boyz II Men, to New Kids on the Block, I was jamming out to those tunes to my heart's content. My friend Zach who I mentioned previously, had just acquired the new 98 Degrees album. Their opening for it was a tuned voiced that said "98 Degrees is spreading all across the land". One night when Zach and his parents were outside, he turned on his boombox and pressed play. Then he played with the volume knob to make it sound like he was tuning a radio station. Then at the exact moment that opening came through the speakers, he stopped and let the full phrase come out. Then he turned the volume way down and his mom legitimately thought that she had just heard an actual weather report and went inside of the house to get out of what she thought was an oncoming heat wave.

One of the coolest toys I ever received was a 2XL Robot made by Tiger. I got it with Christmas money in early 1997. It took four D batteries and had it's own cassette tapes to play its programming. As the tape played, the robot would talk and ask you trivia questions that you could answer by pressing one of four buttons on its lower half. Since it required cassettes to work, you could also stick music cassettes in it and it would play them. CDs had been around since the 80s, but they didn't really overtake the cassette until the 90s and even then, cassettes managed to hang on through most of the decade. As new music was coming out, my friends still got cassettes to play in walkmans as those were still the way to go as CD players were expensive. One summer day, Zach brought over a new cassette tape. I didn't have a boombox, but I had my 2XL. The cassette was newly released in 1997 by a European band known as Aqua. They had began to achieve international success with this album mainly for the song on that album called Barbie Girl. That song is quite silly and sometimes cringy to my now adult self, but as a kid in the 90s, it was a lyrical masterpiece that we played on repeat on my little 2XL. 

I didn't care really about fashion then , but what six year-old does? However, the one popular clothing item I loved then and still wear to this day are the baggy jeans. They were cool then and to me, they were and are the most comfortable jeans to wear. Why skinny jeans for men ever became a thing I will never ever understand. The only downside to them was when riding a bike. I cannot tell you how many times while pedaling a bike that it would suddenly come to a screeching halt and my leg felt like it was going to get ripped off simply because the jeans got caught in gear and chain. The worst part was when they got caught so bad that I had to drag/carry the bike all the way to the house where I could acquire the proper tools to get unstuck. Even with that minor inconvenience, I still rocked them proudly.

I never dreamed of being an astronaut, but I spent countless nights staring into the sky gazing in awe at everything that hung there. Some nights I would not be satisfied until I spotted either the big dipper or little dipper constellations. 1997 brought a stargazing moment that captured me for the ages. Discovered in 1995, the comet Hale-Bopp came closest to the earth in late March, early April of 1997. It was incredibly bright and could been seen with the naked eye for 18 months. Every night when the sun dipped to the other side of the earth, I'd scan the night sky looking for that comet. Every time I saw it, my heart filled with mirth. Some days I'd be upset if I couldn't spot it right away, but once I did, I was in a happy place. This rare space occurrence had a deeper significance for me. Because in the month of May, one month after the comet had reached it's closest point to earth, my third brother, fourth sibling, now totaling five kids, named Stephen, was born. My parents dropped us other four kids off at Al and Sue's so they could go to the hospital. I cannot recall where we were coming back from with Al and Sue one night, but once we got back to their house, Al pointed into the sky and said "Look, someone's shining a flashlight in the sky." From that moment forth, every night until it disappeared, that comet was my flashlight. 

I already mentioned POGS as one of the 90s fads, but a classic toy made an incredible comeback. The yo-yo. Designed with thick, hard plastic edges and transparent faces that gave you a look at what was going on inside of it as well as having names like X-Brain, Fireball, and Maverick, these toys were in every kid's pocket or being walked as an imaginary dog everywhere they went. I eventually acquired a sleek, black X-brain yo-yo as a birthday gift that I still have to this very day. I never did master walking the dog though.

There's definitely more I could say about the 90s and I surely will later on, but this is only a taste after all. With the arrival of Stephen, he rounds out the older five kids of the Pennsylvania era. The next few chapters will take a pause from the timeline and will tell of different series of events that occurred during my childhood. Buckle up because it's going to be a fun trip down memory lane.

The Story of My Life: A Wild Week in the Dairy State

Wisconsin. The land where my existence began. The place my mother grew up. The state her side of the family calls home. For the first time since I was born, I would be spending a week there. And that week was one that would change my very young life.

Before I go further, I would like to establish the people you will possibly read about in this chapter or whenever I write anything about Wisconsin. First are my grandparents, Daniel & Lois. They were life-long farmers and still had the farm when we visited in 96. Then there was my aunt Linda, who is my mom's older sister and her then husband Duane. They have three boys who are my older cousins named Jeff, Mike, & Aaron. Next was my uncle Bob and his then wife Cecilia, first of my mom's three younger brothers. After him was my uncle John. The last of my mom's siblings and the youngest boy was my uncle Paul. Also living on the farm in a trailer house was my great Granny Sorensen (Daniel's mom). These are the most immediate family members. Of course there were other great aunts and uncles, second cousins, family friends, and they'll probably appear in other chapters. But for now, the above people are the ones who will appear frequently.

Let me now provide you with a description of what my grandparent's farm was like back in the 90s and through the eyes of a five year-old. First and foremost, they had a lot of land (as most farms did). I still to this day have not set foot on every acre. To get there, we drove down a two lane country road that wound through nothing but farmland as far as the eye could see. The lack of city pollution allowed for many a blue sky with fluffy white clouds that seemed to go on forever. Eventually, we would turn onto a dirt/gravel driveway, passing a large tree with a tire swing hung from it. Not far beyond that was a large tractor tire filled with sand which was a homemade sandbox. To the left of those stood a white farmhouse and a small trailer house where my grandparents lived and my great granny lived. As we passed all of these things, we would be hard pressed to miss the large red barn and silo towering above us. The dirt road we came in on continued to wind around the barn passing a handful of other buildings such as a small feed barn, a large storage shed, and a couple of tractor awnings. Just beyond those buildings came a site I didn't fully appreciate as a kid, but looking back I truly do now. My grandfather had a number of his old cars that didn't run anymore rusting in peace along this portion of the road. I'm a car person and one of my goals in life is to own a big enough piece of land where I can park my old cars once they've run their course. I'm pretty sure this goal came from my grandfather doing the same. 

The trail continued to wind all through the property. It passed large fields filled with whatever crop rotation was planted that year, thick woods, and pastures where cows grazed. In the middle of one of these fields was a large hill that was deteriorated on on side, making a sand/dirt pit that we spent countless hours playing in. The coolest way to get to this hill was to walk through the cornfield growing in front of it. The last thing I want to mention is that when you stood in the yard by the house and the trailer, and faced West, there was another large hill that went into a big, green field. This field will come into play in the future.

By 1996, the farm wasn't operating at full capacity anymore. The cows in the field didn't belong to my grandparents. Instead they belonged to another farmer that my grandparents were renting the land to. The barn still had hay stored up in the loft, but part of it was used as storage. Other than the cows, the only other animals were dogs, cats, and some chickens. When I say dogs and cats, there were a lot. There was my grandparent's dog Fifi (a little scottie/terrier mix I believe), a boston terrier named Max (he loved to drool), Bob and Cici's big dog Mindy, their brand new puppy Griz, and a couple of beagles (one's name was Gus). There were also many cats and kittens running around, but for some reason I don't remember the names of the ones on the farm in 96. Growing up I never had pets as my parent's lease didn't allow it. So being able to play with this many animals was a real treat for me.

Unlike cats and dogs, the cows weren't really pets. But that didn't stop my cousin Aaron from treating them as such. One hot sunny day, him and I went over to the outdoor water trough by the barn where some of the cows were hydrating. We climbed the wooden fence and stood on the rungs looking like kids in a Country Magazine farm photo. Aaron then pointed to a particular cow and said "that's Bessy and she's my girlfriend." I looked at him like he was nuts. "Yeah right" I said. He grinned, hopped over the fence, walked up to the cow, and climbed on her back. She stood up and walked around slowly. I stood in shock as she didn't seem the least bit annoyed. Aaron patted her back and said "Good girl Bessy." And that's the first and last time I ever witnessed anyone ride a cow.

I mentioned in previously that a number of firsts happened during this trip. The one I'm about to tell you nearly gave my mom a heart attack. Aaron was a teenager and his family owned a 4-wheeler. He was old enough and responsible enough to drive it. His family lived not far down the street at the time, so he would ride it down to the farm most days. One cool evening after dinner, he asked me if I wanted to drive it. Heck yeah I did. He put me on the front and then climbed on behind me. I put my hands on the handles preparing to drive, and he followed suit. Suddenly, the 4-wheeler started to go. I thought I was in control the whole time, but in reality, Aaron was the one with his thumb on the throttle and controlling all of the steering. We drove around the yard quite a few times and I remember my mom looking out the window and her face in shock seeing me on the front of the 4-Wheeler. But everything was fine as Aaron was in total control and didn't make it go fast enough to be a danger. But I was on top of the world "driving" a 4-wheeler for the first time in my life.

Another first is one that had a profound impact on my life. My grandfather did something for me that I plan on doing for my kids and hopefully grandkids one day. One morning he presented me with a bright yellow Snoopy fishing pole and some rubber baits. I was floored. It's my opinion that every child's first pole should be a Snoopy pole. I had and used that thing for years until I needed a new one. Before we could go fishing, we needed some live bait as well. So Grandpa and I went over to a soft patch of dirt by the barn and dug up a bunch of worms. I had no problem with this as I was fascinated by bugs, worms, and creepy crawlies as a kid. Once we had enough worms, Grandpa drove Aaron and I to one of Wisconsin's many lakes. He took his time showing me how to properly put a worm on the hook, how to hold the rod, how to cast it, and how to reel it. The most exciting part for me was the bobber. I watched it fly through the air as I made the cast and then land with a satisfying "plop" as it hit the water. It wasn't long before it started to dip below the surface. I got excited and wanted to reel it in, but my grandfather in all his wisdom, told me to wait until it was fully submerged. Once it did, he told me to give it a little jerk and start reeling. I could feel the extra weight of whatever I had hooked fighting back, but I wasn't going to let my first fish be the one that got away. I managed to reel it all the way into shore and was going bananas as I had landed a "big" fish, which in reality was a 5-7 inch sunfish but to me it was huge. It was right there in that moment that my love for fishing began, all thanks to Grandpa. I do also remember a very brief moment later in the week where someone caught a bunch of sunfish and we were going to eat them. My grandfather was going to fillet them and asked if I wanted to watch. Being curious, I said yes. He took the bucket of fish down to the musty, slightly dark basement. He pulled one out and set it on the table down he had down there. Then he took out the fillet knife. The moment he started cutting into that first fish, I bolted. My stomach was not prepared for that and I don't know why my mind thought cutting into fish wasn't going to make me squeamish. Needless to say, I've fished for many years since and keeping fish is part of the hobby. This means filleting them. So even though I chickened out watching fish being filleted at five years old, I've carved my fair share since then.

As kids, we were raised drinking milk. Something I strongly recommend lifelong as it provides calcium to the bones and is the reason I attribute to not ever having broken or fractured a single bone in my body to this day (I came close many times). But I experienced milk in a different way during this trip. I was given the chance to try unpasteurized milk and all you had to do to drink it was scoop the cream off the top. It was delicious and 100% better tasting than the pasteurized stuff. After a week of drinking it, pasteurized milk tasted like water from an unrinsed milk glass. And no it's not dangerous as I'm living proof of that as is my mom and her family who grew up drinking it like that.

One last memory I'll share with you from this trip was the family gatherings. Every time we go to Wisconsin, we have a big cook-out at either my grandparents farm or at Aunt Linda's house. Because we don't see them often, a lot of people show up. Aunts, uncles, great aunts and uncles, first cousins, second cousins, and even many family friends. It's basically a mini reunion. There's always tons of food, kids running everywhere, and people enjoying being with each other. It's always a highlight of each adventure here.

Eventually, the days flashed by and we had to return home. It would be four long years until we returned and I couldn't wait. I gained a lot from this trip alone, as it made numerous impacts on my young life. Little did I know then that more learning experiences were yet to come.